This level of financial instability can create pervasive stress and conflict within the marriage. Whether you the effects of living with an alcoholic spouse are struggling with addiction, mental health or both, our expert team is here to guide you every step of the way. Don’t wait— reach out today to take the first step toward taking control of your life.

Avoid Enabling Behavior

Indeed, very few studies have evaluated the association between wives’ alcohol use and marital functioning, and even fewer have evaluated the association between concordant alcohol use and marital functioning. For this reason, the following review should be considered preliminary and interpreted with caution. Marital functioning is often assessed using intraindividual measures of marital satisfaction.

• On one hand, you want to show love, understanding, and compassion; on the other, you need to set boundaries and avoid enabling their behavior.
• Interestingly, there is also some limited evidence to suggest that alcohol use can serve an adaptive function in the marital relationship.
• There are numerous alcohol treatment options for your loved one struggling with alcohol or drug abuse.

Start by reading up on alcohol use disorder to know the signs that someone has a problem with drinking. This will help make a stronger case that a spouse’s behaviors and actions are not healthy. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reported that alcohol use disorder (AUD) affected 29.5 million people ages 12 and older in the United States in 2022.

One of the primary questions in the marital interaction literature asks whether alcoholic couples exhibit different levels of positive, negative, and problem-solving behavior than do distressed couples without alcohol problems, and nondistressed, nonalcoholic couples. Jacob and Krahn (1988) conducted a study prototypic of this design by evaluating group differences in marital interaction patterns with a sample of alcoholic couples, couples with a depressed partner, and normal control couples. Prior to the interaction task, all couples completed the Areas of Change Questionnaire (ACQ; Margolin, Talovic, & Weinstein, 1983), a 34-item measure of each members’ current complaints regarding their marital relationship.

• Pursue hobbies or interests that existed before your spouse’s drinking became problematic.
• Living with an alcoholic can quickly escalate from frustrating to dangerous, especially if the person’s drinking habits are spiraling out of control.
• Al-Anon meetings provide peer support from others experiencing similar challenges in their relationships.

Support for Loved Ones of Alcoholics

When you break it down, alcoholism is a slow progression of distrust and emotional turmoil. Those who have a spouse who suffers may see that they begin to disbelieve small things. Lies may become more prominent as their partner drinks more and they work to cover it up. There is an emotional storm that comes with living with someone who suffers from alcohol abuse. The emotional torment is one that may be chalked up to the stress of everyday life. Let’s take a look at some of the side effects that come along with living with an alcoholic.

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Many relationships affected by alcohol end in separation and lasting effects like physical injuries, emotional trauma, additional addictive disorders, financial problems, and broken relationships. To avoid or minimize these effects it is important to directly address the issue of drinking, to try to help the alcoholic, and to leave the relationship if necessary. Gender differences in the effects of alcohol use on marital functioning are suspected due to gender differences in the etiology, psychiatric comorbidity, course, and consequences of alcohol use and alcoholism (see Halford et al., 1999; Wilsnack & Wilsnack, 1997). Although gender differences in alcoholism are receiving increased attention, little is known about differences in the context of the marital relationship (McCrady, 1990; Roberts & Leonard, 1997).

This article explores the impact of alcoholism on spouses, offers strategies for addressing a partner’s alcohol use, provides coping mechanisms and highlights resources for both you and your spouse. By understanding the complexities of addiction and seeking appropriate help, you can begin to navigate a healthier path forward — both for yourself and your spouse. In general, people with substance abuse issues are more likely to be involved in domestic violence. Help an alcoholic spouse by encouraging treatment, setting healthy boundaries, and joining support groups like Al-Anon.

Persistent Health Problems

It is important to look out for one’s own health and well-being, and that of any children involved, by leaving the situation if all efforts to help are ignored and the negative and harmful behaviors continue. These coping strategies cause their own harm, from developing substance use disorders or behavioral addictions to extending financial problems or causing harm to the children in the family. Exposed to a parent’s addiction and family dysfunction at a crucial time in their development, children of alcoholics display symptoms of trauma and maladaptive behaviors that often linger into adulthood.

Problem use is often assessed using diagnostic screening instruments such as the Michigan Alcoholism Screening Test (MAST; Selzer, 1971) or the Alcohol Dependency Scale (ADS; Skinner & Allen, 1982). In addition, the term problem use is used to describe negative alcohol-related consequences that occur as a result of alcohol consumption (e.g., been in a fight or have had legal problems as a result of alcohol use). While some studies in this review employ diagnostic screening measures like the MAST to identify alcoholic and nonalcoholic groups, others use it as a continuous problem use variable. Al-Anon specifically serves family members and friends of alcoholics, offering emotional support and coping strategies tailored to your unique challenges. Al-Anon meetings help you understand that you’re not alone in dealing with an alcoholic spouse.

If you’re questioning whether alcohol is the root cause of the problems in your relationship, take a moment to read this guide on recognizing a drinking problem. If you live with an alcoholic spouse, you may find their drinking affects your life as well. To cope, you can help your alcoholic family member into treatment as well as learn when it’s time for you to leave the relationship. The children who are in the house with this type of abuse will also see the side effects of alcohol abuse by a parent.

Indeed, these studies used alcoholism screening tools rather than diagnostic tools such as the DSM, and only identified about one third of their sample as possible alcoholics. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM; American Psychiatric Association) is the most widely used alcoholism diagnostic tool in the United States. Individuals who meet DSM alcohol “dependence” and/or “abuse” criteria are considered alcoholics. Dependence primarily refers to a cluster of symptoms that involve physiological and psychological tolerance of alcohol and withdrawal symptoms in the absence of alcohol. Alcohol abuse is primarily defined as the amount of negative personal, social, and work/ school related consequences as a result of alcohol consumption. Despite these relatively concrete definitions, this literature has been criticized for the lack of consistency across studies in the conceptual and operational definitions of alcoholism (Leonard, 1993; McCrady & Epstein, 1995a, 1995b).

Treatment Programs

Nearly 60% of violent incidents against domestic partners occur under the influence of alcohol, making awareness of enabling patterns essential for your safety and their recovery. Stage an intervention when conversations haven’t produced positive changes and the addiction continues affecting your family’s well-being. Focus the intervention on encouraging your spouse to seek professional help rather than listing ways their drinking has hurt others. Family members commonly experience a range of emotional symptoms, including persistent anxiety, depression, guilt, and feelings of abandonment. These psychological burdens contribute to long-term mental health issues that affect your ability to form healthy relationships, maintain self-esteem, and manage daily responsibilities effectively. The immediate effects on children include emotional insecurity, developmental disruptions, and academic challenges.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers confidential help, including safety planning. There are therapy options as well as 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Al-Anon. This helpful tool lists rehab centers within the area where you can find professional help for your loved one. You will feel like you’re constantly being ignored in your feelings and your emotions. Instead, present options and allow them to make decisions about seeking help on their own terms.